Finishing my degree, growth, DPDR RECOVERY, ADHD, understanding my trauma & more.
So I thought it was about time to write an update, because today when I looked back on my old blogs, it was amazing to just soak in how far I’ve come — with EVERYTHING in my life. Does it mean I don’t have moments of fear, anxiety — NO, I have them… but they don’t unhinge my life anymore.
So I’ll get the the juicy parts and not string this along… firstly, I JUST FINISHED MY DEGREE! I’m no longer just a provisional/supervised counsellor — I’m fully fledged. I started a psychology degree just before my second round of DPDR hit… wow the timing (lol)… BUT somehow, I made kept at it and didn’t quit (even though I wanted to)… I enjoyed psychology but ultimately half way through, I was bored with statistics and absolutely in love with talk therapy itself (Gestalt, Psychodynamic and Jungian peaking my interest in particular) and I knew I found my calling. I excelled in every class that involved prac and group work and really then knew that I had to devote the next 2 years to this post graduate degree (my first degree was a BA). I made it through DPDR and this degree at the same time (and bought a house eek) and I couldn’t be prouder of myself.
So, how did I recover from DPDR!? It had ups and downs, peaks and valleys and they were TOUGH to get my head around — but honestly, the DARE method, Dr Claire Weekes’s books, finding a GOOD therapist, The DP Manual by Shaun O’Connor and WORKING HARD ON REDUCING ANXIETY and not DPDR itself. Working on my LIFE (health, sleep, nutrition, trauma etc), my coping strategies, my general stress and really letting intrusive thoughts (about DPDR and anything else) float by… Do I still get DPDR? Not really. Everyone has existential thoughts here and there, especially if they’re stressed, so yes, I still get the odd pangs of those familiar thoughts… but there’s no anxiety that accompanies it… so it leaves right away. I now specialise in helping others with DPDR so if you need support, you’re more than welcome to ask me anything or join me online for a session ❤ — I love sharing what I’ve learned.
But this all leads me to the next part… I got “soft” diagnosed with ADHD (which my psychologist suspected for years) so finally when I did the “test” at the GP’s office 2 weeks ago, I was off the CHARTS for adhd markers vs when I used to do anxiety or depression tests… they’d always come back medium/mild… but this ADHD testing was CLEARLY showing that I have been struggling with this. And I know I have… I’ve always been the “naughty” kid… the “disruptive” kid… the kid who couldn’t concentrate or sit still… yet I went undetected for ADHD my whole damn life!!?? I don’t know how but it’s nice to be SEEN finally, it’s been a real struggle. I did my first appointment with the psychiatrist last week and we got only HALF of the official testing done and he basically was like, “I can’t say you have adhd yet… but woah, you have adhd” LOL. So yeah, it’s been wild.
Symptoms of being neurodiverse for me have been:
- Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria — feeling like everyone hates me and worrying CONSTANTLY that I’ve done something wrong in relationships.
- Being unable to concentrate if something even EVER SO SLIGHTLY bores me.
- Hyperfixation or hyperfocus on things where I can’t think of anything else for DAYS and then I burn out and never touch the hobby again…
- Constantly fidgety and in fight or flight mode
- Struggling to cope with big emotions.
- Searching for dopamine through phone addiction, not healthy conversation (trauma response as well), sugar & some OCD behaviours.
- Struggling with “fitting in”….
And that’s just the beginning… So yeah — I’ll be updating more on this subject as I’ve noticed a DIRECT link between ADHD and DPDR… I want to do more research on this topic specifically BUT I think the link is perhaps the anxiety from ADHD and then the hyperfixation on DPDR symptoms being a potential link… time will tell and I will update.
Now onto the subject of HEALTH — as many of you know I’m a big fan of “wellness” and living a healthy life. My parents met in the health food industry so I’ve seen some incredible things that this modality of wellness has gifted people, myself and my family included (healing in ways that shocks doctors, my dad putting graves disease into total remission and both my parents in their 70s and not being on ONE medication — even me reducing and healing endometriomas etc) — it’s a beautiful thing… however… too much of ANYTHING can start to become a negative thing — and a few times, I’ve found myself obsessing… and then feeling stressed… which is the OPPOSITE of good health. So I guess right now, I’m in a phase of trusting my gut, of being open that sometimes fries and extra bread won’t kill me, in fact, it might relax me… and that’s the other side of health, it’s always changing so which modality is right? Is it the vegan? Is it the carnivore? Is it the breatharian? I don’t know… and everyone thinks their version of health is the RIGHT and ONLY way!? That’s the funny bit… BUT following what suits YOU, and how YOU feel is the only way I’ve realised. That’s the important part of health. xx
So lastly — I’ve been still exploring trauma, understanding my parents inner child, seeing WHY things happened the way they did vs using blame.. it’s interesting, it’s ever changing, it’s ever growing… I discovered a lot of this through my own changes last year with people… people who weren’t good for me… and the growth that came from moving on has been IMMEASURABLE… An incredible thing — so I guess my point is, not all trauma is inherently bad for me, and of course, this is PERSONAL to MY trauma… but I’m using it to learn, to go deeper, to understand — and it’s a journey, some days I still wake up seething mad saying “why me” if a sore childhood memory hits my brain, but for the most part, I’m learning to see with a deeper lens and the healing in my body and brain that comes from that is something on another level. I’m not sure if it’s exactly “forgiveness” but it’s some kind of “grace” we can give to others.
So that’s it for me — it’s a big blog post but I felt the update was necessary for those who have found me on this platform. I’m sending a lot of love to anyone who needs it — please feel free to join me on Tiktok or instagram for more info on DPDR and MANY more updates.
Talk soon, Em xx
Tiktok: tiktok.com/@therapy_em
Instagram: www.instagram.com/thelifeclinic_
