DP Update.

So, It’s been 2 weeks now but I can safely say that for the minute, I’m feeling a bit better. Yes, I’m still depersonalised and yes, still having a LOT of irrational thoughts but I thought it was worth recording this journey incase it helps someone out there who’s also struggling. I’m not out of the woods and I don’t claim that this is the complete upward spiral that I hope it will be (well usually healing is more of a wonky upward line graph with some serious dips in it).

But what has helped decrease the anxiety which is what fuels DP has been so very helpful. So without further adieu, and the fact I can’t really concentrate, here’s my strategy thus far:

1. Reading the DP Manual by Shaun O’Connor has given me so much hope that everything is going to be ok. PLEASE, buy this book if you have DP. It was $40, and I get that it’s not small change but in the grande scheme of how awful this temporary condition makes you feel, it’s 110% worth it.
2. LEARN but GET OFF THE FORUMS. Don’t go there. DO NOT. They keep you in a negative thinking pattern that leads to more DP. Most of those stories of people who haven’t recovered are only on there because people who DO recover know that writing on those forums isn’t helpful AND they’re now happy living their lives. NO REDDIT — NO to the DP FORUM.
3. I’ve quit ALL caffeine. GONE. Done. For people with anxiety caffeine should just be a complete no I’ve learnt. I’ve bought decaf coffee and decaf tea and I’ve decided I will stay that way for the foreseeable future.
4. GET OUTSIDE AND SEE PEOPLE. It’s scary. I hate it. I do. But we haven’t gone nuts and no one else knows that we’re terrified, trust that you’re safe, if you were going to go mad in front of people, it would have happened by now. (Trust me, I get the irrational fears you’re having right now of “going mad” or “being a robot” or “everyone is unfamiliar and fake”- I do. But we need to keep going).
5. I’ve started on St Johns Wort and I’ve been taking ‘Stress & Anxiety’ tablets — they’ve been a great help as well as magnesium and fish oil; all good for the brain. Just get your doctors approval before taking any supplements especially St Johns Wort as it can react with other medications such as SSRI’s & birth control. Having said that, my experience has been great so far.
6. Meditate & do yoga. Both will calm the mind & help you to reduce the anxiety that keeps the DP alive.
7. Remember that DP is ONLY anxiety. Once the anxiety is removed DP resolves itself quickly. If you forget about DP for just 5 seconds, that means you can forget about it forever, and you will, just be patient. DP thoughts are like OCD, they get obsessive and you ruminate on them, they are NOT reality.
8. EXERCISE. HARD CORE. Don’t fuck around. MOVE. 20mins at LEAST of vigorous exercise every day will a.) help you to forget about DP for a bit, b.) reduce your energy levels so you can’t put them into panicking as much & c.) make your body feel NICE and alive — that hurt is good in this case.
9. Ground yourself; check the date, recite the time, feel your feet on that floor and take a BIIIGGG deep breath. You are alive, you are here and fuck it, if we’re not then we’re living a pretty damn good life either way!?
10. Have faith but don’t wallow in it. I believe in god, I believe I’m safe right now cause that’s all I got — I also wear my grandmas wedding ring and sleep with my other nana’s blanket, because I feel protected that way. Whatever your faith looks like, just hold onto it. It’s not lame, weird or anything else… just hold onto whatever you want to right now- this is HARD. When I say “Don’t wallow in it” you know what I mean, just don’t think about anything existential for too long, like god etc… just hold faith in whatever it is that works for you without going into it TOO much.
11. Keep BUSY. GET OUT OF BED. Listen to GOOD music, podcasts, audio books whilst you shower, keep yourself & your home tidy. Again, I know how depressing DP is, it sucks the juice out of your absolute soul BUT don’t be like me and have a week of looking like a slob — just make yourself feel decent because it goes a long way.
12. See a therapist. I’m booked in for the 30th and I’m looking forward to learning new strategies that will help to safeguard me from going down this path ever again. If you don’t have a therapist, please find one.
13. Lastly, PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, sew, play sports, video games, read — just do things that keep your brain happy and occupied. When you forget about DP just for a tinnnyyyyy bit of time, that means you’ve fully recovered in those moments. I’m holding onto that.

So that’s my plan, plus a few things I probably forgot but I’ll mention them another time. If this helps you please let me know. I have VOWED that when I come through the other side I’m going to spread the word about my recovery so fricken FAR it’s not even funny. I want MORE AND MORE positive stories out there. We’re all going to do this, we’re all going to get better. I promise.

Photo by Edward Howell on Unsplash

Photo: GROWTH. x