Cold showers. Tasmania. OCD/DPDR & houses.

Now that was a seriously big title for a blog.

But wow. Life is movinnngggggg. A few weeks ago (4 to be exact) I was NOT in a good place. At all. I’d fallen deeply into depersonalization/obsessive thought (ocd) land again (DP is a form of dissociation that comes from high anxiety) and I was having sessions with a DP/DR specialist who REALLY helped me to get my life back on track; well he certainly helped but also I came to a big realisation in recovery from anxiety…..

-Whilst it’s good to lean on others, you sometimes need to save yourself.-

I used to just think a therapist would fix me if I went to sessions and did my homework… and again, that all still helps but the bulk of any transformation really comes from your OWN work.

I’m now 1 month into recovery and I can safely say I’m feeling SO MUCH BETTER. I’m 4 weeks into taking St John’s Wort (my antidepressant of choice), 4 weeks into my first ever running training (I’m up to 3.5kms in 20min YAYYY), 4 weeks into every other day of yoga or hiit training AND 4 weeks into COLD SHOWERS!! I know all of things work together as a team BUT I really feel that the running and cold showers have lowered my anxiety and depression in ways I can’t even express in words.

I’m a new person. (Skip to the bottom of the blog if you just want my life update on my new house/Tasmania/etc — In bold).

I don’t generally feel anxious. I can go out with my friends and not consistently think about getting home to my “safe place”. I can work a sweat and not feel like I’m going to panic and die. It’s freeing.

Here’s a quick run down on how running & separate (obvs lol) cold showers help your life:

1. Running and cold showers are HARD, they help you build resilience. You’re rarely going to be chomping at the bit to go for either… but you ALWAYS feel more energy/happiness afterwards.
2. On the happiness note — both produce some serious serotonin/oxytocin- the things we need when we’re depressed/sad/anxious/ocd’ing/stressed etc.
3. When starting both of these exercises, GO EASYYY! Start running 5–10mins a day and work on TIME not pace. Start with just 15 seconds of cold shower water maybe just on your arms and legs…. work up!
4. Cold showers are harder for women vs men due to the fact that a lot of us menstruate. The torso area will be the most challenging part of doing cold showers but just trust the process.
5. ALLOW ALL THE FEELINGS WHEN RUNNING AND DOING COLD SHOWERS. Don’t expect it to be nice. It won’t be. Expect to feel hot and gross and sweaty after a run (if you have anxiety then expect to feel dizzy and scared too). Expect to feel COLD, out of breath and shivery during a cold shower. It’s not nicey-wiceyyyy. It’s just good for us though.
6. Both of these exercises creates this bad ass sense of resilience and power within us. I can’t express how much STRONGER I feel now. I feel like a natural warrior and just closer to nature and my true self after doing these 2 things.
7. There will be days you don’t want to run or have a cold shower…. I understand. Maybe give yourself a break OR maybe compromise… instead of a 20min run, how about 5 mins and instead of a 3 min cold shower, how about 2mins of almost cold water with a tiny bit of hot added? Listen to your body and feel no guilt about your decisions.
8. Lastly — Running and cold showers BOTH make your life easier. No joke. I used to run away at the sight of the ocean on a cold day, or really FEEEELLL that cold rain on my skin when running to the car with my shopping…. now, I don’t flinch! I jump in all the water, I love running in the rain, I welcome the cold. Same with running, I used to huff and puff a bit if the escalator was broken at the store, now? NOTHING. I take all the stairs, I can power down to the coffee shop and back at work in quicker time vs getting my car out of the carpark and parking again! It’s a good feeling.

So there you have it. Have I made a good case for running and cold showers? I hope so. Again, just go easy- Rome wasn’t built in a day… or two days even ok.

NOW- life UPDATE.

I’m probably building my own home. WHAT!? Yesterday I got some wonderful news from the bank and with all the first home buyer grants wandering about at the moment, it’s actually do-able for me. It’s been the most hectic few days of bank meetings, solicitors, builders, real estate agents, developers etc…. but it’s nearlyyyy real. I made my own home design from scratch (EEK) and the builder actually LIKED IT??? And he’s drawing it up. Like, how? What? I’m so excited but I also don’t want to get all my hopes and dreams up YET as the contract will be at least 35days from when I sign (haven’t even signed yet) so that’s a lot of time for a fall through….. So yeah, beyond excited about this. Mayyyyy have bought 5 home magazines yesterday… maybe haha.

Next up on the life update front, I’m going to Tasmania in April. I have a very annoying (to say the least) fear of flying that is going to be tackled on this trip with no valium, no xanax & no alcohol. It’s going to be hard but I’ll write a blog all about that when the time comes. But I’m just SO excited to go somewhere again and tbh, to NOT be gigging. I really want to just immerse myself in fully enjoying a trip with no work obligations. Where should we go? Any recommendations?

Lastly, music. My band and I have been FRANTICLY working away on some VERY exciting new projects. I can’t spill all yet but my god I can’t wait to show you. On the solo EP front… that’s a bit slower I won’t lie but I have some songs that are almost ready for the studio… It’s all coming together and I can’t wait to show it all off.

Oh AND before I go, I’m going to my first ever new moon ceremony on Sat night. Scaryyyy and exciting! I’m trying new things, new things I wouldn’t have tried if I had never had to get outside my comfort zone from DP/DR. So not everything is bad that comes from hardship that’s for sure.

Anyway — I love yas all and if you made it to the end you deserve a medal. Thanks to the readers I have here. I think there’s only about 30 of you but I don’t care, tbh this is even just for myself for a memory log/diary. xx

Photo by Curology on Unsplash