Another DP update NOV 25 2020.
So I thought it was time for another update because I feel 90% BETTER.
Gosh, it’s honestly been a journey too. A REAL hard/up & down/weird/windy journey but I’m getting there.
And I’ll start by if you’re in the thick of depersonalisation; it’s NOT a life sentence, no matter what bullshit people on forums/reddit/youtube say. It’s CURABLE. I know how easy it is to believe “I’m the exception to what she’s saying — I have got this thing forever”, no, you’re not the exception at all. You CAN recover. People who haven’t recovered yet/have had DP for ages ARE the people who haven’t committed to healing, they haven’t done the work, they are still in the forums, that’s a CLEAR sign that they’re not doing the work. Those forums hold you back. Full stop.
You can’t heal from DP whilst having a constant reminder of the words “depersonalization” in your mind all day, let alone the negative reinforcements from peoples’ negative stories going through your headspace.
To start back at the beginning, for those who are just joining me (skip this paragraph if you know already)… I developed DP around 3 months ago after 3 major panic attacks (and before that I’d been suffering with generalised anxiety every day — worried about illnesses, driving, seeing people, leaving the house etc). The 3 major panic attacks were 1. from a blood test (dizzy, shaking, elevated heart rate), 2. from the dentist (MAJOR heart rate elevation during a procedure) & 3. I had my first migraine ever and panicked BADLY about my loss of vision/head pain. 3 days later after the last panic attack I felt this intense brain fog come over me and I had a pretty good idea what was happening, because I’d had DP before in 2013… and I was fretting. When I had DP in 2013 I had it for over a year, it was a nightmare because I was living in Sydney which was 1 day’s travel away from my family and I was touring full time… I was petrified. This time, the beginning of the condition was just as traumatic. I felt like I was going mad all over again, nothing felt normal, my house felt unfamiliar, my partner looked like my partner but also not? My dogs seemed almost robotic… the outside world suddenly looked almost 2D and god forbid I looked in the mirror, the existential thoughts would hit me like a bus- “Am I even real? Why am I alive? Am I in a coma? Am I dreaming up my whole life” etc etc etc. Those thoughts set off panic in my soul, I’d have trouble eating, sleeping, talking to people, leaving the house… BUT I couldn’t let it beat me.
I wasn’t going to let this condition hold me down for a year again. So I looked around the internet for a while, I went through the depressing forums and eventually found that was really unhelpful… so my new tactic was to look around at POSITIVE recovery stories ONLY and through that I luckily stumbled across the DP manual by Shaun O’Connor which kicked the healing process off really well.
I was reluctant to pay for the DP manual because a) I wasn’t sure if it’d work obviously and b) I’m not rich and it was a bit of cash to put out… anyway I thought “fcuk it” and purchased the program and honestly it was a life saver. It’s a book AND audio book (I couldn’t read from the fog for the first month) that contains every single fact about DP plus it comes with a daily program to follow AND a meditation. This program is for DP BUT Shaun needs to make a 2nd one for anxiety and pretty much only change the words “DP” to “anxiety” from the first book and he’d have a brilliant anxiety healing manual too.
Since using the manual I’ve found some other tips too that have helped me immensely so I’m just going to write up a combo of everything that’s worked (from the manual & my own tips)! A few people have asked me for the DP manual worksheets and meditation, I can’t send you those things. They’re made my Shaun and he deserves to be paid for his (VERY hard) work. So please don’t ask me- I don’t say that with love as I do truly understand how desperate for help this condition makes us all, but that’s why I’m writing these tips I’ve found helpful here for you for ❤ .
To preface these tips, honestly they work for chronic anxiety, generalised anxiety as well as general stress & DP!!
I have my life back now, I don’t have anxiety anymore and if I feel any anxiety arise — I know how to quell it.
- DP is anxiety. Realise this and accept it. You can’t have DP without anxiety. You might think “nah I feel relaxed and I still have DP” that thought process is still anxiety in the making which in turn is DP. Anything you use to treat DP is treating anxiety and vice versa. Even if you got DP from smoking weed, the only thing keeping the condition alive is anxiety still. It will dissipate once your focus is OFF DP.
- Write out a program for yourself to follow EVERY SINGLE DAY. I want you to make sure you exercise for at least 20mins EVERY DAY. Make sure you socialise EVERY DAY (preferably with friends but shop keepers, co workers, baristas etc. will do if not). Meditate for at least 10 mins EVERY day. DO NOT GO ON FORUMS. Try not to speak about DP and continue with your life.
- I just said it I know, but I’ll say it again; STAY OFF THE FORUMS. Stay off youtube, stay off reddit & stop googling the condition. The people on there have dp because they’re not treating it. Healthy people don’t sit on forums, hence why their stories are less heard.
- Use yoga and meditation as part of your treatment as well as getting out in nature. Yes, these activities can be a tad triggering I know, just try anyway. Also progressive muscle relaxation videos on youtube can help with relaxing the system too.
- Accept that DP can’t hurt you. Has it ever gotten worse than the worst time you’ve experienced it? Nope. So many people have recovered before you and YOU will recover too.
- Don’t drink caffeine or alcohol. AVOID it. You don’t need any stimulants right now… The body needs to go into a state of rest and you will start to heal your overworked brain.
- Dp is an evolutionary response to trauma, for instance, in the wild if we’re being attacked and eaten by a lion our brains dissociate to try and lessen the pain! Have you noticed with your DP your emotions feel muted? Happiness and sadness aren’t quite as severe? That’s because our brains are trying to protect us BUT the only reason this sensation is lasting more than 5 minutes is because we’ve latched onto the sensation of being “out of it” and we’re literally keeping it around by giving it our attention so this leads me to — STAY DISTRACTED. Paint, draw, listen to podcasts, watch telly, learn an instrument, call friends, go on facetime, just do ANYTHING that’s distracting. It won’t give you immediate relief but it will give you moments of relief that eventually turn to hours that eventually turn to days… you get the idea.
- See a therapist. I found a brilliant therapist who understands my condition and we’ve worked through so many wonderful mechanisms for dealing with my childhood trauma that probably lead to anxiety which led me to DP. If you’re looking for a clinical psychologist please contact me on instagram messages for the contact details (www.instagram.com/emma_beau).
- Do some self care for your nervous system, and this looks SO different for everyone. It might be playing a video game (not for too long cap it at an hour), having a bath, reading a book or maybe it’s making a yummy meal. Plan self care into your week EVERY single week. It goes a long way in avoiding DP coming back again in the future.
- HAVE PATIENCE. This condition rarely goes away for people overnight. It’s something that goes away bit by bit, and yes, I still struggle with this thought whilst dealing with the last 10% of the feeling BUT it WILL go away. It WILL. I promise you with all my heart ok.
All in all, this has been scary, weird and wild BUT I’m stronger now. I’m Emma Beau 2.0 honestly. I went into this scared every day, not dealing with the anxiety I was harbouring, afraid to go out and reach my goals — I’m coming out the other side brave. I know everything I dream is possible now. I know that if this ever comes back, I have the tools to deal with DP and that it’s not dangerous. I am recovered in the moments when DP is gone, fully recovered which is 90% of the time. I only experience the feeling for maybe 10–20mins a day, and it’s not scary now.
Remember; don’t lose hope. I’m here. You’re here. We’re all here for a reason. Stay. You can remember a time before this condition? Well that means you can have that recovery in your life again. It’s not a forever condition. I promise you.
If you’re scared, message me on instagram www.instagram.com/thelifeprojectclinic — I don’t reply for a while sometimes but still message, you’re not a burden at ALL. I will say I’m not a replacement for your own therapist though, and all of my advice is my own and doesn’t replace the advice of a doctor.
Anyway- I hope this helps someone struggling out there. Big love to you all. We’re in this together. You’re never alone.
x Em.
#depersonalization #dpdr #depersonalizationrecovery #derealization
